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Dealing With Rejection

September 22, 2013

The most commonly given advice for dealing with rejection may also be the hardest to swallow: “get over it”. Pretty much all advice for how to deal with rejection boils down to this, plus perhaps some favored coping mechanisms.

For many of us, the feeling of rejection can be very painful and go very deep, perhaps being tied in with childhood abandonment fears. But in truth, the only practical way of dealing with rejection is to not feel rejected, which is a matter of internal perceptual framing.

Instead of focusing on what you are trying to get, focus on what you are offering. If you are trying to attain something for yourself and your attempt is thwarted, that is rejection. But if you make an offer and it is declined, you are in no way diminished by the experience; in fact you may be spared the exertion it would have required, thus freeing your energy to be invested elsewhere. In any case there is no loss to you.

Therefore, if it hurts to have your offer declined, it would behoove you to look at whether you were really just trying to offer something or whether you were also trying to get something. It is actually the failure to receive what we want that is the source of the pain associated with rejection, (Tweet this) which is, very often, some kind of ego gratification (“If they say yes it means I’m pretty, if they say no it means I’m ugly”…yadda yadda yadda). So, once you “remove your ego” by finding other ways to satisfy its needs that don’t rely on specific people saying yes to anything you ask, you can make your offer in a truly generous spirit, with no emotional attachment to its outcome. After all, it’s not truly an offer unless you are equally comfortable with a yes or a no; otherwise it is a demand.

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2 Comments
  1. rupacoach permalink

    “It is actually the failure to receive what we want that is the source of the pain associated with rejection” is quite profound!

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