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The Dynamic Of Mutual Trust

October 1, 2013

Suppose you are going on a road trip with your best friend. When they are driving, they have their life in your hands. Does that mean you need to restrict the way they drive? “Obey the speed limit. And don’t follow too close. And OH MY GOD WATCH OUT FOR THAT COW!” Only if you don’t trust their driving ability, in which case the legitimacy of the whole enterprise should really be called into question. If you do trust that their driving ability is on a par with yours (and assuming you trust yourself), then you will be perfectly comfortable dozing off in the passenger seat while they take their turn behind the wheel.

The dynamic of mutual trust can operate in any relationship, and can be a very powerful thing when it does, but it often breaks down in romantic relationships, which is one of the signals of the onset of codependence. This breakdown goes hand-in-hand with impulses to restrict or control the behavior of one’s partner.

There can be many reasons, both internal and external, for a lack of trust, but the question you need to ask yourself is whether you really want to live with it. It is always better to find the root cause of what is bothering you than to just go out of your way to avoid the triggers.

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