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Why Should Friends And Lovers Be Mutually Exclusive?

November 5, 2013

These are some of the ways people tend to treat friends and lovers differently:

Dignity

With friends, we tend to maintain a standard of politeness and consideration that we are likely to let lapse when we have sex with somebody.

Autonomy

We assume friends will do what they want to do because it makes them happy, but when we have sex with someone we tend to assume they will be willing to forego that privilege.

Exclusivity

We aren’t upset about our friends having other friends, nor do we think twice about having more than one friend ourselves.

Expectation

With friends, our expectations tend to be based on what we know to be true about them, but when we have sex with someone our expectations tend to be driven more by what we want.

Degree

Friendship is a matter of degree of closeness, but sexual relationships tend to be either on or off.

Working on the relationship

When we are having sex with someone we often perceive the need to “work on” the relationship, whereas when we are friends with someone, the relationship just works.

My question is, why should there be a difference?

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3 Comments
  1. rodney permalink

    You pose a question and I’ll answer it as you asked it. There should be a difference so that one sex (or gender) can continue to exploit the other. That’s why we can’t be friends.

  2. rodney permalink

    The other day I met a new acquaintance and spoke with her as I might try and speak with a “friend”, sharing certain fears, frustrations, past hurts regarding females, etc. I am certain that she took this to mean that I was not overtly romantically interested in her, which in this case, was accurate. So she probably wrote me off. But the sad irony is that in her case being real friends could have opened up possibilities to her not available if she weren’t my real friend.

    You are quite right in your observation of this “all-or-nothing” attitude out there.

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  1. Friends to Lovers..Is it Possible? | From Ashy to Classy

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