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Do You Really Have To?

January 1, 2014

Here’s one small language tweak you can implement that will lead to you feeling more empowered and being more actualized. Notice how often you say that you “have to” do something, and notice the way that you feel when you say it. Then, start replacing “I have to” with “I’m going to”, and see if you can tell the difference.

Telling yourself that you “have to” do things externalizes your locus of control and construes you as a victim of circumstance or, at best, a pawn. Deciding what you want to do and then declaring that you are going to do that puts you at choice and in control, regardless of whatever constraints you may be taking into consideration.

A world made of “have to’s” and “got to’s” may be objectively the same world as one made out of “going to’s” and “will’s”, but empowering yourself to be at choice makes the difference between an experience of reality that you engage with and direct or one where you are just along for the ride.

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